The next morning I went to work and couldn’t stay. I left and drove to the hospital. It was the way it always was, Sandra’s husband, mother and sister-in-law. The nurse came to clean Sandra so I stepped outside soon to be followed by her husband.
He just started talking. Talking about everything. Everything intimate, couple/family problems Sandra used to share with me. Everything he knew he could have done differently. Everything Sandra had said that she would never be at peace until he realized what he had done. As soon as he was finished, the nurse came out and told us she was cleaned up. We went back in and within 2 minutes she was dead. She started breathing erratically, then there was the pause between breaths, then she stopped. We were all holding some place on her body (I took the feet) and just praying. The doctor came and checked her, pronounced her dead, turned off the machines…but she was still there. All of a sudden everyone looked up at the same time, and in unison said, “She’s gone”. We felt her leave! As soon as she left her body, she looked like just an empty sack.
I have never been so clear about spirit. I believed, I have always had faith…but I have never been so clear. Almost too clear, so much so that all of the little skeptical voices in my head waited until I got home to talk me out of my experience. I think the skepticism came out of fear… I didn’t want to see Sandra in my bedroom at night, I didn’t want to feel like anyone was with me. So if I could change the happenings in my head and doubt them, then I would be safe.
Editor’s note: I want to thank Staceylee for her submission and for the honesty she conveys regarding her feelings. It’s terribly hard to lost someone you love, and not knowing exactly what has happened to them after death can be a frightening and confusing experience.