As I scroll through Facebook, I notice yet another paranormal investigator suffering through difficult circumstances; not in and of itself unusual, but the comments indicate concern that the nature of spiritual work elicits too much pain and creates the necessary conditions for tragedy. We always wonder: is what we do ripping apart our lives?
There is no way to prove causality here; I can only speculate based on my experience. As a group, we do seem to have more personal tragedy than your average folk. It comes in many forms, but often our ailments have a strong, psychological and emotional basis. This doesn’t surprise me, I suppose, because we are opening ourselves up to the invisible world, and we have no idea who or what inhabits that world. We probably ‘talk’ to many killers, rapists, sadists, psychos and demons on a regular basis without realizing it. Or, worse, we know we’re dealing with truly horrible entities, but we talk to them anyway, because, hey it’s fun . . . I guess??
I have long struggled with why we keep serving as mediums and channels for anyone who comes along, or for anyone who happens to be passing through, when would NEVER do that in our material life. Imagine heading off to ‘communicate’ with the worst criminals in a penitentiary–we don’t do that for obvious reasons, but it’s OK on an investigation because we think that the invisibility and subtle communications from the spirit world somehow mitigate the emotional damage that they could cause, but that really isn’t the case. The pain that they inflict on us–whether intentional or not–builds over time. It’s a slow accumulation of human (and sometimes non-human) misery that sticks to us like a draining and depressing residue. No wonder we get sick, both physically and emotionally.
I have limited my investigations drastically over the last few years. Now, I go mostly to be with the friends I have made; to be in their company makes me happy. So called “ghost hunting” does not really make me happy, ever since I realized that what we’re doing is as real as it gets. For a long time, the paranormal investigator isn’t really sure that this whole “spirit world” concept is genuine. So, we spend months or years attempting to convince ourselves that were not just playing around in the dark and scaring ourselves. It’s an adrenaline filled rush when you don’t really believe in ghosts but something weird is happening around you. It was much more fun when I wasn’t sure I was actually contacting anything; then, I had the excuse that I had to continue to compile evidence for the afterlife, so I needed to go out often and stay out late.
Now, of course, I have no such doubts and haven’t for a long, long time. It’s been three years since the investigation at the Episcopal Church that was so intense and provided so much evidence for the afterlife that I declared my need to compile evidence over. In the last three years, my main goal is to hang out with my favorite people. Sure, I do still get that thrill when someone seems to be making contact, when the Ghost Radio starts talking sense and the little, green dots populate my Ghost Radar Legacy and the words start showing a thematic relationship. I don’t like, however, the ghost bullies who trap others with them in their hell and scratch my friends (or me). I suppose I’ve learned to protect myself, and that has been a very valuable lesson indeed.
Those who stop investigating altogether are simply tired of exposing themselves to spiritual pain, or perhaps they can no longer protect themselves due to their own traumas. When your life seems to be spinning out of control, one has to wonder how the late night investigations in traumatized places might be contributing to the personal chaos. I completely understand why people walk away or take long breaks. I am not there yet, and I doubt I will ever completely give up such a fascinating and attractive quest. I am careful, though, much more careful than I am with the living. Speaking of which . . .
How DO I protect myself from the unpleasant and destructive people still inhabiting their bully-bodies??
So: answer me, please! Do you agree with what I’m saying here? Are you still compiling evidence? If so, why? What are you looking for? Please leave me some comments!
–Kirsten A. Thorne
The Soul Bank: Stories, Research, Essays, (B)Logs 