So . . . Let’s start with a confession. It hurts that my readers have made it clear that they don’t want to read about human rights or social justice issues. My last post on the kids separated from their families at the southern border was the least popular post I have ever written. I lost quite a few Facebook friends due to my eagerness to raise awareness on the issue, which for me had nothing to do with politics; it was about the human spirit and how we, as a nation, were attempting to crush it. It’s painful to lose friends and readers over a situation that desperately requires our compassion, our action, and our sustained interest. However . . . it’s also true that Soulbank was always about the paranormal, the survival of consciousness, alternate realities, and all things that we can’t explain. It’s easier to think about the afterlife than to deal with the harsh realities of this one.
Confession #2: I lost myself in the spirit world, and it’s time to come back to the material world. Paranormal investigators, intense meditators, religious devotees, gurus, and spiritual enthusiasts of all stripes tend to go out into the ether as a way of avoiding the sometimes crushing misery of ordinary consciousness and everyday reality. Think about it: when you’re busy contacting the dead, you are turning away from the living. The dead are so much easier to handle, since they rarely talk back, can’t hit you, fire you, bully you, or betray you. They mostly just breathe into your recorder and knock on walls. You can, under normal circumstances, walk away from them with zero consequences until your next investigation. I often used investigations, research into the paranormal, meditation and other spiritual practices as a way to keep the brutality of the ‘real’ world at bay.
I didn’t want to spend more time than absolutely necessary interacting with people and attempting to figure out what they needed, so that I could be helpful and self sacrificial. As a people pleaser, the real world was very draining and confusing. I rarely asked myself what I needed to be happy, or thought much about my future. Heading out into the spirit worlds, I was not required to ‘read’ other people and their infinitely changing desires and drives; ghosts and spirits do not ask such work of us. All we have to do is ask them lots of questions and wait for the answers. That is much easier to do than calibrate a living person’s energy and intentions and then mold ourselves accordingly. The materially challenged do not ask us to work so hard. We are in control on an investigation; we decide what to say, when to say it, what counts as meaningful interaction, what to take seriously, what to discard, and how to interpret reality. It’s a power trip to chase down entities.
Secret: I don’t like most people. I find them at best confusing, at worst, threatening. However, I am improving my real people skills; I investigate the material world now, as if I were chasing ghosts in an old mental hospital. After all, people are just ghosts with a body and better communication skills (usually). I really, truly, want to connect with my fellow humans on a deeper and more meaningful level. I want to understand what makes people tick, what they love, what they enjoy, what fascinates them–without falling in the trap of trying to make people happy. That rarely works.
In other words, I want to investigate these days because I miss my friends, both the ones I know, and the ones I haven’t met yet. I want human contact: deep conversation, laughter, shared confidences, and building a web of connections so that none of has to feel alone. “Likes” on FB posts or stats on a blog are not real signs of affection or interest. If anyone wants to go exploring, bowling, see a movie, or just have a long conversation about something fascinating at your local coffee shop, hey–you know where to find me. I’m right here . . .
Kirsten
The Soul Bank: Stories, Research, Essays, (B)Logs 