How to Know if Your House is Haunted

Your house doesn’t need to look like this to be haunted.

I’m writing as a representative of the best paranormal team on the planet: The Paranormal Housewives. I have tried to post this on our regular website, but I ended up blocked due to too many attempts to remember our password. So . . . I am here to help you, dear reader, figure out if you might benefit from contacting us. If you’re anywhere in Southern California, we can arrange a free visit and investigation, if that’s warranted. If you’re not, then maybe I can help you decide when it’s time to call in the professional teams (contact us via Facebook–send us a private message).

People tend to assume that in order to justify a call or message to us, they need something really dramatic to happen. A ghost must have appeared, something must have–mysteriously–gone up in flames, you need to have heard your name called out at 3:00 AM, or there must be other distinctive evidence. That’s not necessarily true; you can suspect or know that spirit activity is happening in your house based only on your intuition, your feelings, or your physical reactions to being in the house.

If you have ever walked into your house and felt that someone or something was watching you, that’s enough reason to contact a team. If you have felt followed, observed, or you simply sense the presence of someone in your house, that’s enough reason to contact us. Manifestations of spirit activity can be very subtle, and that doesn’t make them any less real. The hair might stand up on the back of your neck when you walk into a certain room; there might be large temperature differentials from one area of the house to another; or, your cat or dog could be sensing the energy in the house and reacting as if under threat.

Why would you call us? Let me start with what we DO NOT do: we don’t banish or force spirit entities or energies to leave your house, simply because nobody has the authority to do that but them and their Creator. Typically, we can educate you in terms of what we think the activity is centered upon, and what it’s trying to accomplish. Sometimes, your ghost is simply a recording of a traumatic or emotional event that is playing itself out in mindless repetition; sometimes, the ghost is trying to tell you something that it feels you need to know–in that case, we might be able to help you decipher the message, via audio recordings, photographic or video data, or other evidence from our multiple devices. If you are open to the ‘sensitives’ on the team, (I believe we are ALL sensitive to spirit energy, especially if we train ourselves to be open) they can give you their interpretations, as well. Sometimes, the spirit is centered on a certain person in the household and feeding off their chaotic emotional energy, which can result in poltergeist-like activity such as missing objects, moving furniture, or even spontaneous fires or strange liquids dripping down walls.

99% of the time, your spirit manifestations are benign or neutral. One of the best services that we offer is to reassure the homeowner that there is nothing to fear, and that they have control over their own space. There are various options for ‘clearing’ a space and taking back your authority in your own home–we can show you how to do this, depending on your particular manifestation of spirit activity. It is always better for the client to learn how to control her environment than for us to swoop in and do it for her.

To sum up: we investigate, arrive at theories and hypothesis as to what is happening in a home, we present all of our data, we educate the client as to what the paranormal is and is not, and we show the client how to regain a sense of peace and control in her own home. We do all that for free, because we believe that this is a sacred service, our calling, and we don’t want to turn home investigations into a business. We do, however, gratefully accept donations of cookies, tea, or other food items! Investigating can be very physically draining in addition to spiritually exhausting.

So–if you are wondering if we might be of some help to you, please don’t hesitate to contact us. Go to Facebook, find the Paranormal Housewives under ‘groups’, and send us a private message! We will respond, typically, within 24 hours.

Much love and light to you.

Kirsten (and Erin, Marsha, Jennifer, and Kimberly)

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You Won’t Believe Me, But Read This Anyway

I threw myself in the dirt. I was face down in the pebbles, surrendering to the Universe, the Cosmic Consciousness, God, the Holy Spirit, all of it. “I’m sorry,” I cried, for my vanity, my insecurity, for my fear, my anxiety, my [humanity] said God, finishing my sentence. “Why do we have to rot and die? Why? [To be angels] It said, leaving me with more questions. The lights behind my closed eyes were oozing into patterns, swirling, morphing, and changing from red to dark red and back again. “I surrender,” I repeated. “You, whatever you are, can have me. All of me. My body, my soul, my spirit, my mind, take all of it.” The lights behind my eyes intensified and morphed yet again, and the pinprick of white light grew larger and larger until it overwhelmed me. My body shook and twitched; I gasped. My little mind provided a distant soundtrack: “This is big, this is really big, don’t forget this.”

I clawed at the dirt. Dirt was in my mouth, all over my clothes, in my hair. I wasn’t in control of this. I surrendered, and now I had to go on this journey. “I don’t want to lose this world; I love this world. I don’t want all of this to go away.” My tears mixed with the dirt on my face and fell to the ground, and now I was wallowing in mud.” [I will never take the world away from you. You will always have the world]. “I’m afraid of the next life, I’m afraid to leave this world,” and then:

[This is the next life]

It, She, He, They, impressed into my mind the understanding that the next life is now. You can’t lose the world, because there is no one to lose it and nowhere for the world to go. This experience is always. This experience is what you might call eternity. It’s impossible to lose.

After this message, I gradually moved myself into a seated position. I was covered in dirt and pebbles, drool and tears. I walked at a snail’s pace to the Frog Pond, thinking that if this is already the next life, and I will never lose the world, and we are to be angels, then somehow we must be fallen. We perceive disease, pain, age, dying, death; it certainly seems real to us. We base our entire lives on this fear of non-existence and falling away; all of our ambitions, our obsessions, our acquisitions, our striving, and our relationships become hedges against this decay, corruption, and pain that we see as inevitable corollaries to the End of the World, which, of course, is our personal end. Or so we think.

This path of time leading to disease, death, and all other horror stories is an illusion. We believe in it; we share it with others; we can’t will it away; and yet, it’s not ‘real’ in the sense that it is based on appearances, perceptions, and beliefs that have nothing to do with the truth–with actual reality; the fundamental nature of the Universe. There’s no time to drag us to the grave, but we believe that there is, and we measure ‘it’ in various ways, ignoring the fact that we can’t prove that what we think we are measuring has any independent existence. There’s no ‘before’ and ‘after’, save for that we all create together as narrative. We have to create stories to make sense of our experience. The stories become shared reality. The stories become the illusion that we privilege, the facade that directs us away from the immediacy of lived communion with the real.

We are fallen angels, trudging through the world with dirty, broken wings and rusty halos. We don’t for a moment think to ask ourselves who we actually are. We prefer the dirt, the drama, the scary stories, to the truth. Eternity is a far scarier concept than ‘resting’ in a hole in the ground, oblivious to it all. Nobody really wants to be conscious forever; and yet, we are. We always have been. We forget that over and over again, as an Inconvenient Truth. Our little identities, our fragile egos, all that we hold onto and advertise to others so that they, too, may envy our worldly possessions and superficial pleasures, cannot withstand the blast of Light that places us squarely in the realm of always.

So no; Kirsten will not lose the world a second time, or however many times she was convinced that God wrested it from her. God never took anything away; nothing ever goes away. I, for one, want to remember my connection, even though it’s brutally painful to realize. It hurts to be corrected, to be shown yet again that one is wrong, and worse still, to feel guilty and unworthy of a life without end. There is so much to overcome. I can be forgiven, perhaps, for feeling overwhelmed.

Just as I hope any readers who are left will forgive me for finding writing so hard. I won’t stop telling you all the truth, even if you never believe it.

–Kirsten

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